What a fucking waste of an outfit
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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