So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
