yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize