make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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