really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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