My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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