Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
