I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
