Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
