My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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