I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
