Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
