im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
