dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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