his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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