I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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