This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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