oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
