um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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