I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
