Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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