I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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