Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
