Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
