I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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