Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
