my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
