so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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