Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
