dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
