She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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