Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
