Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
