i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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