wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize