Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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