Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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