i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
