Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just pee around me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
