if only i could text you this smell
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
