i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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