You can't special order awesome
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My breasts were aching with rage.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
