I want to make a zoo with you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
