Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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