Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
