Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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