Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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