is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
