Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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