I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
