Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
