Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
