Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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