what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
