Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Acid is not a monday night drug
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
