just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
