When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
