im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
