can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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