Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
