There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
