Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
