I showed him my bush... on skype.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
