the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
