i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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