Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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