i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
