drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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