I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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