Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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