I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
kristin has been a bad kristin
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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