There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
